I Can't Decide.

I can't decide whether or not to come back "home" for the summer. I was always planning on coming back, but then I started thinking today, why would I want to do that? Yes, it will save me thousands of dollars, sure I'll get to catch up with people...but right now that doesn't seem worth it. It's easier to be here. To be away from the chaos and constant disappointment that place seems to always bring. Friends who I thought were the best suddenly have their own lives. I can't complain because I guess I do too. But only a few actually take the time to hang out with me when I do come home. I notice those people. I don't have to constantly ask them to make time for me, they willingly set aside time. But like I said, that is only a couple people. And those couple people know why I don't want to come back, and I think they would support staying in SF because of it. Sometimes it's just easier running away from the bad, even if you're isolated away from everything familiar. But then again, should I just face what I one day will have to? Things would be different if this summer was like last summer. When everyone liked everyone else and every summer day was carefree. We'd drive to the beach just for gelato, and drive through the canyon at 3 am just to feel rebellious. Knowing that this summer can't be like that discourages me. But maybe living in uncertainty will be best. That's when you grow the most.

At this point I should just write "OC" and "SF" on two crumbled papers, throw it in a bag, and draw one out. And that would be it. I'm such a bad decision maker.