Friday, February 18, 2011

The Sun to my Little Ray.

My eyes clench crying in frustration and regret
Images of what we were before the last sunset
I’m so tired of this sickening feeling
It’s like the same scenes in a movie reeling and reeling
I still see you in pictures with your brave little smile 
While I’m here wishing this whole thing was just a trial
I wish I had the strength to pretend
But all I really want to do is mend
What was once often a walk through the park
I now need a flashlight to see through the dark
I can still hear your laugh like it was yesterday
And how you used to do it every time I would stray
I wish you knew I was falling apart
And how badly I just wish we could take it back from the start
Maybe it’s because we had too much good for too long
After all that time something was bound to go wrong
But I don’t want you to see me as someone who didn’t try
I’ll always be that person who can cheer you up when you cry
I don’t want to be the reason your joy ever gets lost
But I’m willing to do anything for you, no matter the cost
Can we go back to the days of selling lemonade?
When we used to play with dolls and get Pokémon cards to trade?
The days you used to live at my house more than your own
You were able to tell what was wrong just based off my tone
Now it seems like you could care less
While I’m sitting here dealing with all of this stress
Without you in my life I just don’t feel the same
And these thoughts racing through my mind every night is making me insane
I’m wishing on every star I see
That someday, somehow you’d come back to me
You know me so much better than I even know myself
I can’t even look at my yearbook you signed on my shelf
Every song reminds me of you singing along
But then it starts to kill me seeing you be so strong
Every time it rained you were like my sun
No matter how sad I was, you always made sure I had fun
My driving never scared you even for a bit
And when I changed your music you’d throw a fit
All the pet peeves I used to make fun of you for
They’re waiting in my head to be tallied and scored
I’m so scared for all the things I do not know
I wish you could send me a crystal ball wrapped up in a bow
I know you’re waiting for me to stop trying like all the rest
But I’m not like the other ones; I’m determined to still be the best
I want you to remember what we had, not what I did
Then let me know if you still want to get rid
I hate that I lost all the years of trust
And now you’re leaving me out in the rain like a penny to rust
At times like these it’s hard to believe everything happens for a reason
I pretend that one day you’ll tell me you were just teasin’
I wish real life were like the movies where I could throw pebbles at your door
I’d be outside with a poster asking for one more chance, just one more
This whole situation just keeps running through my mind
It’s things I wish I would have said written in a book coming out of the bind
Without you I’m like a puzzle missing one piece
Like Beauty without the Beast
Just promise me you won’t say we’re through
Because I honestly don’t know what I would do
But I don’t want to hear promises you can’t keep
When you’re ready, I’m here waiting for my cell to beep
I’m leaving you alone to reach your own conclusion
No manipulation, confusion, or intrusion
I just want you to know you’ll be in my heart no matter what you decide
But I could not live with knowing I never tried
I don’t want your memories to ever fade
I know you were meant to be in the life in which God has made
So for now your pictures lay on my bedroom floor
Until the day you shove me into a frame to take one more
I told myself I wouldn’t try and convince you to stay
I would allow you the time you needed, to take it day by day
All I can really do is think and pray
That someday you’ll regret not wanting to stay
There are so many times I reach for my phone to text you
For now I’ll save them as drafts and someday they’ll be construed
Please take the rain out of my cloud
I want nothing more than to make you proud
I want to thank you for being the best
And for being there when there was no rest
I never took you for granted, not even for a day
Because you were always the sun to my little ray

1 comment:

  1. I live in the feeling. Glad it worked out for you though.