The Sun to my Little Ray.

My eyes clench crying in frustration and regret

Images of what we were before the last sunset

I’m so tired of this sickening feeling

It’s like the same scenes in a movie reeling and reeling

I still see you in pictures with your brave little smile 

While I’m here wishing this whole thing was just a trial

I wish I had the strength to pretend

But all I really want to do is mend

What was once often a walk through the park

I now need a flashlight to see through the dark

I can still hear your laugh like it was yesterday

And how you used to do it every time I would stray

I wish you knew I was falling apart

And how badly I just wish we could take it back from the start

Maybe it’s because we had too much good for too long

After all that time something was bound to go wrong

But I don’t want you to see me as someone who didn’t try

I’ll always be that person who can cheer you up when you cry

I don’t want to be the reason your joy ever gets lost

But I’m willing to do anything for you, no matter the cost

Can we go back to the days of selling lemonade?

When we used to play with dolls and get Pokémon cards to trade?

The days you used to live at my house more than your own

You were able to tell what was wrong just based off my tone

Now it seems like you could care less

While I’m sitting here dealing with all of this stress

Without you in my life I just don’t feel the same

And these thoughts racing through my mind every night is making me insane

I’m wishing on every star I see

That someday, somehow you’d come back to me

You know me so much better than I even know myself

I can’t even look at my yearbook you signed on my shelf

Every song reminds me of you singing along

But then it starts to kill me seeing you be so strong

Every time it rained you were like my sun

No matter how sad I was, you always made sure I had fun

My driving never scared you even for a bit

And when I changed your music you’d throw a fit

All the pet peeves I used to make fun of you for

They’re waiting in my head to be tallied and scored

I’m so scared for all the things I do not know

I wish you could send me a crystal ball wrapped up in a bow

I know you’re waiting for me to stop trying like all the rest

But I’m not like the other ones; I’m determined to still be the best

I want you to remember what we had, not what I did

Then let me know if you still want to get rid

I hate that I lost all the years of trust

And now you’re leaving me out in the rain like a penny to rust

At times like these it’s hard to believe everything happens for a reason

I pretend that one day you’ll tell me you were just teasin’

I wish real life were like the movies where I could throw pebbles at your door

I’d be outside with a poster asking for one more chance, just one more

This whole situation just keeps running through my mind

It’s things I wish I would have said written in a book coming out of the bind

Without you I’m like a puzzle missing one piece

Like Beauty without the Beast

Just promise me you won’t say we’re through

Because I honestly don’t know what I would do

But I don’t want to hear promises you can’t keep

When you’re ready, I’m here waiting for my cell to beep

I’m leaving you alone to reach your own conclusion

No manipulation, confusion, or intrusion

I just want you to know you’ll be in my heart no matter what you decide

But I could not live with knowing I never tried

I don’t want your memories to ever fade

I know you were meant to be in the life in which God has made

So for now your pictures lay on my bedroom floor

Until the day you shove me into a frame to take one more

I told myself I wouldn’t try and convince you to stay

I would allow you the time you needed, to take it day by day

All I can really do is think and pray

That someday you’ll regret not wanting to stay

There are so many times I reach for my phone to text you

For now I’ll save them as drafts and someday they’ll be construed

Please take the rain out of my cloud

I want nothing more than to make you proud

I want to thank you for being the best

And for being there when there was no rest

I never took you for granted, not even for a day

Because you were always the sun to my little ray