Exactly a week ago, my most prized possession (my iPhone) was stolen. As if I wasn't distressed enough, my dad sent me an e-mail both hard and needed to hear. Recently I've just had very bad luck. Random, bad things keep happening. At times I laugh because it's just so ridiculous sometimes. In the past month I have broken my brand new camera (my other prized possession), lost $450 in college bonds through the mail somehow, got my phone stolen, had the same paper completely crash in the middle of within a two day span, got a ticket on the Muni...I'm sure I could go on, but you probably get the point. Don't worry I'm not writing this to make you feel sorry for me, my point is coming.
So in the middle of my breakdown a week ago, my dad made note of all the bad coincidental events happening to me. He listed them all out (and he only knew a couple of the things I listed, too), and told me it was God reminding me not to forget about him. When I first read it I replied to his lengthy paragraph with a simple "shut up." It made me cry and be even more defensive because I knew it was true. He said God was trying to get my attention, saying that he needed me to remember him, and start going to church, pray, or just listen out for him.
There are many things I miss being away at college, but one huge thing is my church I grew up with since first grade. I was really getting into a routine going every week, and I believe going away was a test. A test I failed. God puts you through uncomfortable situations to test you, to help you grow, to help others grow through you, to not give up, to listen for his whispers, to test your character, to show your morals. Sometimes it takes someone else to remind you of this. I'll admit, I've had God tell me these things myself over the past couple months but I pushed it away, I don't really know why. I guess I feel ashamed for letting him down, for not getting involved in church things down here. I guess I started losing faith in his capabilities after things started going downhill a few months ago. When certain things happened, I did not understand why, and probably blamed him instead of myself for a lot of it.
But through realizing I need to pay more attention, and keeping myself accountable, I believe I can restore my drift. Recently I've been praying for the situation a few months ago to get better, even though I saw no sight of that EVER happening, I think it has. I thank God every day for allowing me to turn to him after ignoring him out of bitterness. He truly does answer prayer and puts a sense of contentment in your soul. Areas where you needed peace, he gives serenity. Sure things take time to heal, and some situations just can't be fixed, but turning to God gives me a sense of acceptance at least. It reminds me that everything does happen for a reason. Sometimes you just need to be reminded. And even if you have been, you might need a third party to remind you of what you might be too afraid to face. I watched a live service of my church back home over the weekend, and let's just say I am going to make a big effort in doing that every week. It was all about being aware of God trying to speak to you, and being open to it. Exactly what I needed to hear.
Today I went running through Golden Gate Park and (not surprisingly) got lost. On a random road, I saw a sign reading something about a cross. My friend and I hiked up a steep trail and came across a GIANT cross. HUGE. Unfortunately with my iPhone being gone, only she took a picture and I still need to get it from her. But I couldn't even climb up it, it was that big. Isn't that amazing? A giant cross in the middle of nowhere. God, God is amazing. It made me so happy, and it was just the reminder I needed.
I was going to apologize to those of you who aren't religious, but then I realized this is my blog, my opinion, and I don't apologize for my beliefs. So I thank you for reading hopefully with an open mind.